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HOW TO DRIVE IN FLORIDA
1. You must first learn to pronounce the name, it is: "FLAAAAARIDA".
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening
rush hour is
from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph.
On I-95 your
speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less
is grounds to
run you off the road while giving you the finger.
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida
has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the
loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the
biggest tires go
second. However, SUV cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the
right of
way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear
ended, cussed out,
and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another
offense that can get
you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida
. Detour barrels
are moved around for the entertainment of road construction
workers and for your entertainment pleasure during the
middle of the
night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting
8. Hollywood Blvd and Pines is the same road although some
call it Pembroke
Pines Rd , which then gets confused with Pembroke Rd. which
is just one traffic light over. Hallandale Beach Blvd is the same as
Miramar Parkway
which is not a parkway at all. And if that isn't enough to
remember Arvida
Parkway which is also not a parkway at all has been renamed
Royal Palm
Blvd not to be mixed up with the Royal Palm Blvd located in
Margate and
Coral Springs (Which turns into Copans in Coconut Creek).
9. Of course there is some confusion when you get to McNab
as to where
it starts and where it ends. And more than several hundred
people have run
through the barricades of Hiatus Rd. which dead ends flat
off a major
intersection.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them
to the shoulder
immediately to let them know it has been accidentally
activated.
11. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in
line off or better
yet ---run them off the road.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders
on your hands.
13. In Florida, geezers rule.
If a politician wants to stop seniors from driving, they shoot him. It’s the law.
DRIVE TILL YOU DROP DEAD is a Florida senior's motto so stay out of their way or die.
14. And finally if you are going to yell anything out the window, make
sure it's in Spanish.
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